Stop Lying!
I had a 1:1 with the regional VP at my company yesterday. It was just a normal check-in. She’s been connecting with all internal staff lately because of some recent changes.
She asked for feedback on internal systems, I shared some growth ideas I’ve been brewing on, she gave insight on how to best communicate those projects with other departments… and somewhere in all of that, I totally forgot I was supposed to be nervous. Like, objectively, I probably should’ve been a little intimidated talking to the regional VP. But I wasn’t. And afterward, I kept thinking about why. What was different here? What changed?
I think I finally cracked the code to having high-stakes conversations without spiraling. And yeah, part of it is that the regional VP is literally the coolest person ever, so let’s not pretend that doesn’t help. But it also came down to one simple thing: I was being completely honest.
I wasn’t filtering my feedback to sound more polished or diplomatic. I wasn’t sneakily turning critiques into compliments. I wasn’t only talking about the highlight reel. I told the truth—about what I’ve seen, what’s working, what isn’t, and where I think there’s opportunity. And because I was honest, I didn’t waste mental energy on performing. I wasn’t building some carefully curated version of myself mid-convo. I was just present. I was actually able to listen, think, and respond in real time because I wasn't multitasking in my head, managing the narrative.
So, what’s the takeaway here? I think it boils down to a few things:
Take a step back from your day-to-day and develop actual opinions. Not just thoughts like “I like this” or “I don’t like that,” but actual viewpoints based on patterns, context, and nuance. It makes you sharper. It helps you explain the why behind your work, not just what you do, but how you think. This applies beyond work too, especially in interviews. When you can zoom out, you can speak to your experience with way more clarity and direction. You’re not just listing tasks, you’re telling a story that actually reflects how you think and make decisions. That’s what makes people lean in.
Ask questions, even the ones that feel basic. So much of workplace dishonesty doesn’t come from some bad intention. It comes from fear. People think asking a question will make them look inexperienced, or like they’re not smart enough to be in the room. But when you pretend to know something you don’t, the insecurity creeps in. You start spinning. You hear one familiar word and try to riff off it, pulling from something you heard someone else say, and suddenly you’re halfway through a sentence you don’t even believe. That’s when nerves take over, because deep down, you know you’re not being real. And so does the person listening.
Build actual relationships with people when you can. I didn’t feel nervous in this meeting because I’d already had a few informal, human conversations with her. There was context. There was trust. That made everything more natural. Of course, you won’t always have that luxury. Sometimes you’re meeting someone for the first time. But you can still choose to see them as a person, not just a job title. And showing up that way, like you’re talking with someone, not at someone, almost always creates a better interaction.
All in all, being honest is kind of underrated. It makes you more confident, it builds trust faster, and it actually frees up your brain to do the thing it’s supposed to do: think. Maybe not a revolutionary idea, but it’s one that’s genuinely changed how I show up in rooms that used to scare me.